Relationships Are Opportunities To Grow
Human learning and development are shaped by relationships with important people in their lives. Constructive and respectful interactions between two people always generates a positive aura which in turn influences building good relationships between two human beings.
Being aware of and understanding the triggers, dynamics and underlying beliefs and patterns we experience allows a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. To me it all sums up in four sentences:
It is not about the other person – it is about yourself
Let’s imagine you have an appointment with a friend, who is late. You are waiting at the café. Time goes by and you become more and more irritated by the minute. Internally you are grumbling about not being taken seriously, being ignored, people not caring about you and so on.
Someone else in your situation might happily spend the time watching others pass by, listen to music or simply enjoy doing nothing until the friend arrives.
What is it that makes you irritated? What part in you gets so wound up? And why?
Spend some time with that part in you and you will for sure have an aha moment.
It might be that you were taught that being late is unacceptable or you believe you are not important, so people don’t value your time.
By the way this applies the other way round, too. Working yourself up to be on time, imagining the worst case scenario of your friend being annoyed only to find out that she was happy to have some time to go through all her emails. And what if indeed your friend is annoyed by you being late? Ask her to read this blog post
2. We can’t change the other, we can only change ourselves.
This is nothing new for many people yet how often do we point out what others did or didn’t do, how much it irritates us the way they treat us…So many of my clients are amazed that triggers disappear once they trace back the related emotions to a younger self. Once this younger self has been acknowledged, accepted and integrated, the interaction with the other person becomes easier. They realize that others are an invitation to pay attention to parts within ourselves that require healing.
3. Different perspectives create different experiences
It also helps to reflect upon all the should’s, must’s, have to’s, need to’s. What are all the expectations we have about how others are supposed to live or behave so it suits us?
A client of mine struggled with her perceived lack of love from her husband. He wasn’t doing the things she thought he should be doing to show his love and care for her. After a while she realized that both of them had a different understanding of what it meant to express their love for each other. She became more aware that her own assumptions and interpretation of a situation are based on her own fears and beliefs. Releasing that grip makes it easier now for her to see things for what they are.
Photo by Kristina Litvjakon Unsplash
If we take an example of the corporate world, at times employees located in different parts of the world work on the same project without having much one-on-one interactions. Once the employee gets an opportunity to interact with each other, their coordination and productivity significantly increase and it helps to boost team spirit. This also bridges the gap between cultural and communication style differences.
What is it for us to learn about?
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
We enter all our important relationships to learn major life lessons. At times a theme runs through generations: each generation creating different circumstances to learn about the same theme. Those of you who believe in reincarnation may know that a theme can be running as a red thread through many lifetimes for a soul to learn various aspects of a theme.
Take self-worth for example. A woman ends up in abusive relationships over and over again. She is here to learn that until she gets in touch with her self worth and until she discovers her inner strength to draw, relationships will be verbally, emotionally and/or physically abusive. Once she decides that it is enough, that she deserves respect and love and she walks out of the relationship, her path is free for a different experience. All these experiences are here for us to define what we want from life, who we are, who we want to be and where we want to go from here.
Since humans are social animals, the quality of our relationships plays a significant role in maintaining a high level of wellbeing, mental and emotional stability. They are essential for leading a successful and enjoyable life. Relationships are an opportunity for us to grow.