Listening Improves Relationships

Relationship experts swear by the importance of communication, that communication is an integral part of building and maintaining any relationship. The challenge is being skilled at effective communications.

The disconnect happens when:

One speaks up, but the other doesn’t listen
One speaks up but refuses to listen to the other
One listens but already has preconceived judgments and opinions
Both do not create a space for effective listening; they jump in when another person is speaking
No one wants to listen

The result? Arguments, fights, and built-up resentment toward each other that could’ve been avoided if they just listened. Truly listened, that is.

Talking has always been more natural for people. Listening is something that requires more effort. For some people, they just don’t want to put in that work. That’s why many relationships fail.

Do You Truly Know Each Other?

Here are some factors to consider:

Closeness-Communication bias

Closeness-communication bias occurs between people who are very close to each other like mother and daughter, sisters, and spouses. People who are close and spend a lot of time together tend to forget about mindful listening. They believe they know each other well enough. So they tend to downplay what their loved one is trying to say, thinking they already know what they mean before they even explain themselves.

Expectations

Because people don’t want to disappoint their loved ones, they’d rather keep information to themselves. They behave to met the expectations they believe others have of them.

Closeness ironically may become a hindrance to effective communication in relationships. Awareness of the closeness-communication bias and our expectations can help break down this wall. After all, being close to each other doesn’t always mean you’re really listening to each other. Complacency has been a long-time enemy in every relationship.

Listening is not hard; it does take work. As long as the mind and heart are eager and willing to listen, authentic conversations are not hard to find.

MY INVITATION

Imagine sitting on a bench under a tree and listening to the leaves rustling in the wind. I believe you would take in the sound as it is, without any judgment. You don’t have any expectations since the sounds are unique, depending on many factors. It’s a melody that changes with nature.

What does it take to be as open and non-judgmental in our daily conversations? Openness invites curiosity, a willingness to consider a different point of view, and a readiness to be impressed by the other.

Can you imagine for a moment how different conversations would be and how much more meaningful an exchange could become? Can you listen for the melody in each conversation?

It’s an invaluable gift – give it freely.