The Challenge of Being Yourself
Listen: 5-min read
Summary: What does it mean to know yourself? Do you really know who you are? Doing inner work like Focusing answers questions about the real you, including the shadow self. In a world concerned with branding and perception, how can you be your true self?
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I would like to start today's sharing by reading some parts of Oriah Mountain Dreamers "The Invitation"
“It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me if the story you tell me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another by being true to yourself.
Being yourself is such well-meant but over-used advice. What does it mean? What does it mean to you?
The invitation to be yourself is an inquiry to explore who you are.
For to be yourself, you will need to know who you are. Are you the scared self that hides instead of speaking up for yourself? Or the person who prefers to say YES to take on other people's tasks rather than saying NO and drawing boundaries? Or the one who doesn't tell others what they think because they are afraid of being alone in the end. Or are you all of these to some degree and more?”
Be yourself!
Do you actually know yourself?
Doing inner work is one way to start on this journey of getting to know yourself. However, will you look into those cupboards filled with skeletons? Are you ready to clean out our subconscious's hidden, dusty drawers? It may reveal aspects that you prefer nobody will ever know about. So, being yourself starts to be less exciting, right?
Of course, you may ask people for their observations and impressions of you. It will certainly offer you a rich kaleidoscope of your strengths and weaknesses, personality traits, and behaviors. Yet, take into consideration that people are biased. Be aware that we mirror back to others what they like or dislike about themselves. How open are they to giving honest feedback? Are you ready to hear what they have to say?
Is it advisable to be and express fully "who we are"?
Cultural norms and expectations may prevent us from being outspoken or showing vulnerability to be accepted as a leader or business partner.
Talking non-stop about ourselves without being interested in others will certainly not win many friends.
Pretending to be happy and at ease when walking around with stooped shoulders and a sad facial expression will make others wonder what is honest about you.
How can you be yourself when most people around you prefer you to fit into a mold, behave the way it's convenient for them, live up to their expectations, and ideally, not question or ruffle their feathers?
So, then, what does it mean to be yourself?
Develop the courage to peel off the masks and layers that show what others want to see in you. Be you rather than who they want you to be. Rather than conforming, shape your reality. Be comfortable having flaws, love your imperfections, be ok to feel low, and not pretend that you feel delighted.
Be honest rather than glossed over, admit preferring a burger over a green shake, and stop faking to be someone you are not, so you fit in.
Learn to be present with the discomfort that comes with being authentic. It takes practice, courage, and those real friends that love you just as you are, who will support you in exploring your inner sense of self and living it.
I like to end with a quote by EE Cummins:
“The biggest challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else.”
You are in this life to offer the world your uniqueness, talents, gifts, and who you are. Start living your individuality
Thank you for watching, and see you again soon.
Until then, take good care.