Being in conversation with yourself

“Life, this endless conversation with yourself. Silent in sanity, audible in madness.”

— Zohra Segal

How often do you have a conversation with yourself? If you’ve ignored yourself thinking that it doesn’t make a difference anyway, it may be time to reconsider.

Conversing with yourself allows you to get to know yourself better, including your innermost thoughts and feelings. So when you consciously steer clear of it, you also lose that connection to your inner self, and you can end up feeling more confused and lost. Thankfully, there are different ways to start a conversation with yourself. Read the different ways below and how you can benefit from making a habit out of talking to yourself.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

Almost all conversations start with a question, so why not start yours this way too? By asking yourself the right questions, you put effort into coming up with answers. These answers can tap into or evoke certain emotions and actions, which will lead to knowing yourself better.

Here are some mind-opening questions you can start with:

How would you describe yourself?
How would others describe you?
What are you passionate about? And Why?
What are your core values?
Do you love yourself? How much?
What are the three most important things in your life right now?
If you have twelve months left to live, what will you do?
What do you want to achieve?
What are your principles in life?
How different are you now from three years ago?
What inspires and motivates you?

Great conversations start with curiosity. Why not become more curious about yourself for a change?

2. Find Your Solitude

Being alone isn’t a bad thing. Isolation is another matter. What you need is solitude. It’s about using your alone time to reach your innermost thoughts and feelings.

In Sherry Turkle’s TED Talk entitled “Connected, But Alone” (19:48 minutes), she shared that “you end up isolated if you don’t cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself.” What does this mean? When you connect with yourself, that’s when you can form real connections and attachments with other people.

When you’re completely in tune with yourself, you gain self-confidence. There’s no need to find validation in other people. Through solitude, you learn to appreciate yourself, and you learn that being alone can be positive if you let it. Make room for solitude in your life, so you can have deeper conversations with yourself.

3. Try “The Work”

The Work is a practice created by Byron Katie. She describes it as “Every time you do The Work you are becoming enlightened to who and what you are, the true nature of Being. To question what you believe is an amazing gift to give yourself, and you can have it all the days of your life. The answers are always inside you, just waiting to be heard.”

There was a time in Katie’s life when she struggled with despair, paranoia, and rage. This damaged her relationship with her children. It was when she woke up one day at a halfway house that she realized that it was only her stressful thoughts that caused all this damage.

From then on, Katie pledged to help people who are struggling with their negative thoughts through The Work. The process includes:

Assessing what upsets you and then writing that down.
Answering four key questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
Turning your thoughts around – finding opposites of what you’re thinking

Going through this practice will allow you to understand if your thoughts are helping you or not. For many people, this process is very successful, so there’s no harm in giving it a try.

4. Learn Focusing

The Focusing technique is a way of tapping into your emotional intelligence by observing the messages from your body. It allows you to know your inner compass better, so you’ll know which direction you want to go. Focusing also encourages you to keep moving forward in life and being open to different opportunities.

Reading about the technique seems easy, yet it is a process that you have to practice over time, especially in times when you long to de-stress, heal, recover from a broken relationship, or remove yourself from being stuck. In times of struggle, finding your way back to your inner self and putting your trust in what you think is best for you helps you to move forward.

When you’re in conversation with yourself, try Focusing to achieve various goals such as:

Making decisions
Knowing what you want
Being in tune with your feelings
Taking action and getting unstuck
Getting to know your life purpose
Letting go of emotional burdens
Nurturing self-worth and self-esteem
Being present in your life

5. Explore “The Diamond Approach”

The Diamond Approach is based on open-ended inquiries into your experiences and behavioral patterns. This approach is based on the belief that through sincere inquiry, you can learn and understand more about the inner barriers that hinder your soul from opening up to possibilities. Furthermore, this approach is used as a doorway to your spiritual nature.

To have a great conversation with yourself, you have to approach the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of each experience. This means being curious and accepting the truth you uncover. Meditation is one of the methods to learn more about what’s happening inside your mind and body. It’s also a way to be more present than looking back in the past.

With inquiry and meditation, you embark on a personal journey to awakening. You will see your inner Being unfold before you. The deeper your journey goes, the more awareness you’ll have, and thus, develop more appreciation and intimacy in your life. And when you’re more aware of yourself, that’s when great conversations happen!

Being in conversation with yourself is easier than you think. It all starts with sitting down and asking yourself the right questions. These questions will give birth to new insights and perspectives and will deepen and enrich your experience. When you’re ready to delve into your inner Being, try the other techniques to develop more awareness of your thoughts and feelings.

Just like conversing with other people, it’s best to be genuinely interested and practice mindful listening. You owe it to yourself to feel curious about what you think, feel, and want as well as listening to your inner voice.