How to be OK Doing Nothing
On my recent visit to Germany, I was visiting a friend, and while waiting for me, she had started mowing the lawn. She asked me if it would be ok for her to quickly finish the job. I responded, "Of course!" thinking that it wouldn't be a problem for me to sit and wait. However, the moment she started the lawn mower, a place within me got extremely uncomfortable.
I became aware of a stream of thoughts, "You can't just sit there and not do anything. Why don't you ask her if you could help with something?
Maybe I should get some water for us? What will she think if I just sit here?"
It reminded me of a famous scene by the German comedian, Vicco von Bülow alias Loriot. In this particular scene, he shares about an elderly couple where the husband "just wants to sit there doing nothing." Unfortunately, his wife can't comprehend why her husband simply wants to sit and be. So she constantly nags him about why he doesn't want to do anything. I remember enjoying that scene a lot then and still do. Years back, it was funny.
Now, it’s a sad reality.
We feel constantly pressured and driven to DO.
Photo by Matt Hall on Unsplash
Doing Nothing is Hard
For some, it would mean they would have to confront the relentless stream of worries and thoughts going on in their head.
In a study by Timothy Wilson at the University of Virginia, participants had to spend up to 15 minutes sitting by themselves in an empty room without anything to distract them. Some were given a topic to think about while others were not. 50% of the participants felt uncomfortable being by themselves.
The next step of the experiment offered the option to shock themselves while being alone. 67% of the male and 25% of the female participants chose to give themselves an electrical shock, often more than once.
To the majority, the discomfort of doing nothing was greater than the discomfort from the shock.
Is it then surprising that being constantly active to avoid being with themselves and their thoughts is a welcomed yet unhealthy strategy.
Doing Nothing is Critical
Most of us would feel lost without being constantly busy. Today, being busy is considered to be equal to being productive. It's a new addition to the list of virtues. Being productive makes us feel great since it gives us a dopamine rush, so we want more. We also don't want to be judged as lazy, unproductive, or having bad working ethics.
More and more, science however proves that doing nothing is critical if we want to experience peak performance. This is because the body, our nervous system, and we need this balance between being still and active.
We know we aren't machines; we know we need rest, which is different from just sleep. Yet, being idle makes us feel uncomfortable. We feel guilty, ashamed, and like a failure if we admit that rest is what we need most.
Our brain has two working modes:
The Default Mode Network activates when engaging in reflective activities and imagining the future. By nature, and somewhat by reflex, the DMN turns towards all things related to social connections and is an essential means to create our social world.
Focused attention
In daily life, we constantly engage the mind with important and unimportant tasks, ignoring the need for idleness, pause, and Being so that the DMN can get to work. No wonder we feel more and more disconnected and alone.
How can we feel ok doing nothing?
Photo by Charles Postiaux on Unsplash
1. To start, clarify what doing nothing means for you. It can mean sitting in the park doing nothing except noticing the sun on your skin or listening to the sounds of nature. Maybe doodle at home or do some gardening without making it result-oriented or being another thing to tick off on your to-do list. Find something that nurtures you and allow it to be non-productive.
2. Explore why doing nothing makes you feel uncomfortable. What thoughts do you have about doing nothing? Then, start questioning those beliefs and views as to whether they are absolutely true. Very often, we take on the opinions of others and make them our own. Are those your beliefs or those of others?
3. Schedule precious pockets of idleness. Make time for inaction in your busy schedule. Doing nothing is part of self-care. And if you believe that other people's needs always have priority above your own, it's time to discuss this pattern with a good friend, a coach, or a therapist.
4. Remember the oxygen masks on an airplane? In case of an emergency, you need to put yours on first before attending to others. By now, most of us are experiencing emergency levels of stress. Substitute "doing nothing" with the oxygen mask and notice the changes in your life.
5. Find the right environment to disconnect from constant cognitive bombardment and learn to BE.
We are Human BEings, not Human DOings.
Usually, I yearn to BE in nature. However, lately, I have been drawn to simply sitting in a church, alone, quietly, and without any plan, in a contemplative space. It's new for me, and I follow that feeling without thinking about possible reasons.
6. Try painting, daydreaming, letting the mind wander or a practice such as mindfulness meditation to help you quiet down.
7. Ease yourself into the idea of not doing anything by going bite-size. Sit in the morning with your cup of coffee and daydream or lay on the floor and listen to your favorite music. Over time, increase those periods.
8. Know that taking care of yourself means you are becoming more resilient, productive, and fun to be with – and who doesn't want that?
You are worthy
Know that your worth isn't measured by how productive you are. Most often, we engage in fake productivity precisely for that reason.
Start turning within and find that place that innately knows that you are worthy, unique, and perfect the way you are.
A great side benefit of that journey is that being idle becomes a welcome part of living and Being.
What does it take for you to take the first step on that journey?