Question What You Believe About Yourself
Your self-image is most likely not what other people see as you, nor is it a true representation of who you are.
We tend to go through life with beliefs and assumptions that shape our behavior and we hardly ever take a closer look at whether these are true or not. If we do, we would be in for a few surprises.
No wonder that there are so many assessment and 360-degree review tools out there to provide feedback and to reveal blindspots as well as opportunities. These tests all aim to uncover assumptions that we have about our strengths, challenges, communication and working styles, etc.
Other systems, such as Human Design, The Gene Keys, or The Enneagram, have assessment tools too to help us look beyond our habitual patterns and beliefs so we can start living life more aligned with who we really are.
All these tools have in common that they invite us to question who we believe we are and to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.
THE RISK OF UNEXAMINED BELIEFS
Beliefs can create an illusion of knowledge that limits potential growth. For example, believing that you lack a certain skill set or are not good enough means that you probably don’t feel great about yourself. You may feel apprehensive about starting a task or you may not even try to apply for a job.
Or past experience may have led you to believe silence means something specific every time. Perhaps you may think that a colleague’s silence equals disapproval. This can be the beginning of a strained relationship, causing stress and possibly anxiety as you end up becoming defensive or insecure around them.
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains this phenomenon: “We're blind to our blindness. We have very little idea of how little we know. We're not designed to know how little we know.”
Starting to question our assumptions and long-held beliefs about ourselves and others helps open our eyes to new perspectives and possibilities.
The colleague’s silence may be a sign that they are struggling with some challenges at home. Or maybe they are just tired, having a bad night’s sleep. They may be an introvert and therefore need more space and time alone.
Another example could be Julie, who has lost the drive to go to the gym because she assumed that in order to stay fit, she needs to do the same workout day in, day out. By challenging her belief, she started to explore rock-climbing and aerial yoga, which then led to her becoming a teacher for the latter.
What assumptions might you reconsider to expand your horizons?
Photo by Sasha • Stories on Unsplash
WATCH FOR UNIVERSAL QUANTIFIERS
When we examine our assumptions and beliefs, it helps to remember to watch out for universal quantifiers such as “always”, “never”, and “everyone”. For example, telling yourself "I always mess up in relationships" is an assumption that relationships will eventually go poorly. This can prevent you from finding ways to explore underlying patterns so you can change.
When we become aware that we use these blanket statements, we can take them as a helpful indicator that there are beliefs that limit our perception. It helps to pause and reconsider the quantifier by asking, “Is it absolutely true?” and “Says who?” Examining the accuracy of such statements helps unravel unconscious assumptions and outdated beliefs.
CULTIVATING CURIOSITY
Assumptions run deep and require intentional curiosity to loosen their hold. Make a habit of asking, “What if I’m wrong?” or “Is it absolutely true?” before drawing conclusions.
“Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. Most of us see through the eyes of our fears and our limiting beliefs and our false assumptions. ”
It takes practice to continuously question your assumptions and certainties; yet, it’s a sure way for personal growth.
The following questions are possible invitations to dig deeper and to reflect:
What experiences shaped this assumption? Was it a single situation or repeated pattern?
Is this assumption really serving me or holding me back? What do I gain by holding on to it?
What would someone who disagrees with this assumption say?
What nuances am I missing? Where are the shades of grey?
I invite you to sit with these questions and start noticing what arises within as you keep yourself company. Be patient and don’t be satisfied with the first answer that comes. Notice how your body responds to these questions; your body is a wonderful guide through the inner landscape to get to the origin.
EMBRACE THE DISCOMFORT
DISCOMFORT = GROWTH
Beginning to challenge assumptions and questioning long-held, ingrained beliefs can feel destabilizing. Leaning into this discomfort is how growth happens. It takes courage to admit we may have been barking up the wrong tree, or that we let our biases get the better of us. Navigating such a process often requires the support of others, who are trained to provide empathy and perspectives without judgment.
Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash
TRUST THE UNFOLDING JOURNEY
Ingrained beliefs and behavior patterns are like weeds. Often, when pulling weeds, some of the roots remain firmly in the soil and it takes patience and perseverance to clear them out. One day we may have an eureka moment, and then we may slip back into the same old habits and patterns. Often progress happens in the fashion of one step forward and two steps back. Be compassionate and patient, notice the subtle ways your perspective and behavior are beginning to shift.
It’s helpful to remember to celebrate small successes and small steps forward, even if the end goal seems to be far ahead. Lao Tse said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.
THE GIFT OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE
If windows aren’t cleaned regularly, they become opaque and we cannot see through them. We ourselves can end up like one of those grimy windows, too. Over time, we tend to construct our identity and worldview based on limited life experiences, other people’s influences, and societal conditioning. By not questioning the construct of this fabricated identity, we remain blind to our yearnings, deepest truth, and our unlived potential.
Once we accept that it’s time for a thorough cleanse and get on with it, not only will we gain new insights; it will be easier to remember who we truly are. We free ourselves from the confines of limited perspectives and can embrace our shadow as well as our light.
That way, our journey becomes one of self-acceptance and self-love.
WHERE ARE YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY?