The Turbulence Within: Navigating Our Inner Conflicts

The world's spiritual traditions point to an essential truth - within each of us exists a multitude of competing drives and differing voices. Despite all the existing advice to accept this dilemma, being inwardly divided against ourselves is often rather unsettling. 

We construct idealised images of how we "should" feel and who we're supposed to become. Blissful nonattachment. Perfect balance. Continuously motivated to manifest our dreams. When the messy reality of our inner landscape doesn't match those neat narratives, we start searching for a landscape gardener, often in vain. Life’s just that -  up and down, light and dark. 

Let's explore some of the core conflicts that make up this turbulent inner terrain:

The Chasm Between Desire and Experience 

Perhaps the most universal inner conflict is the gap between what we want to experience in our lives versus how things are actually unfolding. We desperately yearn for fulfilment, abundance, and impact, only to struggle through long stretches of creative or financial drought. We crave deeply fulfilling partnerships yet find ourselves trapped in relational patterns that leave us feeling fundamentally alienated, broken, and alone.  

"No mud, no lotus," the Buddhist saying goes. Our unsatisfied longings are the dark, fertile ground from which growth might emerge one day. And yet, how do we cope with the pain of that unfulfilled longing in the meantime? How can we resolve the disconnect between our lived reality and the envisioned life we aspire to create?

Reflection: What is the deepest desire your heart yearns for? Where have you felt the most agonizing gaps between your actual experience and that longing? What is in the way of accepting life as it is?

The Struggle to Be Versus "Should"

Another inner conflict that is often neglected exists between the standards we absorb for how we're supposed to feel or who we should become, versus the simple emotional truth of how we actually experience ourselves in any given moment. We "should" feel grateful for what we have, yet we struggle with waves of dissatisfaction and restlessness. We "must" exude confidence and self-assurance, and then we feel frozen like a deer in the headlights with our chronic insecurity and inadequacy. 

These internalized "shoulds," have been endlessly marketed to us by motivational and personal development influencers. These benchmarks create a strict inner judge that observes our humanity as flawed whenever our actual felt experience differs from the prescribed ideals.  In the disconnect between who we really are at any moment and who we think we're supposed to be, we ignore our core aspects and live increasingly fragmented lives.

The refusal to accept our whole, messy, gloriously imperfect selves lies at the heart of so much suffering. What if the path toward wholeness involves tenderly attending to those parts of ourselves most at odds with who we think we should be?

Reflection: What internalized "should’s" cause you the most inner conflict and resistance? How might you find freedom by fully allowing and accepting your actual experience - without harsh judgements - at any given moment?  

The Vertigo of Non-Dual Wisdom  

Those on extended spiritual journeys likely know this disorienting clash well: one foot planted in the wisdom teachings about being wholly present, at peace, and non-attached; the other caught in the Ying and Yang of life, the reality of the human condition.  

Sages and mystics talk about enlightened states where the chatter of the ego dissolves into an all-encompassing state of beingness. Oneness, not inner dividedness, is our true nature, they say. Yet when we try to reach that awareness, we find parts of ourselves stuck in grievances, troubled by restlessness, or consumed by busy mind-wandering into past/future fantasias. 

This dissonance can become its own inner conflict. Our spiritual seeking self berates us whenever we fail to embody the "enlightened" qualities of presence and equanimity. We forget that the journey itself - filled with rich inner battles and tensions - is the path of awakening, not some future achievement.

"The awakening of the Buddha...could be said to be the awakening of the one in whom all human passions were dissolved and transcended. But it is also true that the being of Gautama Buddha reflected all the spiritual illuminations and compounded all the conflicts which constitute the inner life of everyman." - Joseph Campbell

Reflection: Where have you found yourself frustrated by gaps between spiritual teachings about presence/peace and the fragmented reality of your inner experience? How might fully allowing - and even celebrating - your full scope of inner diversity lead to greater wholeness?

Head Meets Heart

If inner conflicts had a poster child, it would be the classic battle between reason and emotion, between "head" and "heart." We bounce between bouts of rational analysis and waves of overwhelming feeling, often using one to dismiss the validity of the other.

Take the example of relationships: We can be torn between heart touching feelings of compassionate love and calculating logic that urges us to give up on that relationship due to irreconcilable differences. 

When considering career shifts, the pragmatic in us warns against giving up the security of our reliable income stream while the one that’s longing for change calls us elsewhere.  

There is truth in both perspectives. The heart's longing clearly speaks of our deepest callings. The head's prudent voice helps us discern potential risks while weighing tough decisions. When the two remain headlocked wrestling for dominance, we lose out on possibilities our fractured awareness cannot conceive.

The invitation is to find an integrated "whole mind" by learning to harmonize these differing aspects of ourselves. Give voice to both the rational and emotional aspects of your inner landscape. Seek nuanced solutions where the heart's longings and wise discernment can co-exist. From that inner alignment, we are able to expand our perspectives beyond limiting either/or debates.

Reflection: In what areas of your life have you found yourself torn between "head" and "heart"? How might you creatively integrate both ways of knowing to reveal new solutions?

Embracing Our Multifaceted Being

In the end, inner conflicts point out the richness of our full beings. When we can move past the turbulence into curious self-acceptance, the perceived clashes can be aligned into cohesive resonance. After all, everything in us innately moves towards a fuller, more authentic life. 

In the spacious embrace of all our messy, frayed, beautiful human multiplicities, we discover an unexpected wholeness awaiting amid the conflicts that once unsettled us. Rather than being continuously "conflicted", we become conflict-friendly travellers - open, awake, and alive to the different parts within.

With curiosity and non-judgment we can create within a space of understanding to help integrate seemingly conflicting parts, resulting in more presence, compassion and appreciation for oneself and others.