The Fear of New Beginnings
Listen: 6-min read
Summary: Starting again can be scary whether it's a new job, moving to a new country, dating again, and so many other new beginnings. This fear can keep you stuck if you miss the message it wants to tell you.
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Not everyone is a born adventurer, yet we all agreed on the most incredible adventure possible - this life.
A lovely quote says, "Change is the only constant in life." I find it amusing that while so many of us crave consistency and to keep the status quo, in some way or the other, we accept the only constant in life - change. Even though just grudgingly at times.
New beginnings involve change. Any time an aspect of your life changes, for example, moving to a new apartment, taking on a different job, changing countries, joining a new gym, introducing a new diet, or trying out a new hobby, it's a new beginning. It requires courage, curiosity, flexibility, and adaptation.
Before we begin something new, we often come up against the desire to keep things the same for comfort, habit, and the known and to avoid facing our fears.
Of course, it's easier to start a new journey when we know about the potential obstacles, the detours, and the changes; we like to be in control, know the unknown, and be prepared.
But chances are that we will have to face the unexpected, which can mean different things for different people - failure, being uncomfortable, being uprooted for a while, losing life quality, lack of support, etc.
Imagine deep sea divers who don't simply jump into the water, hoping for a great experience. Instead, they train intensely for their job. They check their gear before every dive, maintain a high fitness level, and know how to keep calm when emergencies arise.
Likewise, you won't start something new completely unprepared. Instead, you will clarify your intentions, goals, and values, which of your strengths and qualities will serve you well on this journey, and where you may need to ask for support or step up learning new skills.
When you become aware of fears creeping in, pause, take time to step back, and into an attitude of curiosity and empathy. These parts that are afraid are so for a reason.
They are stuck in a past memory where trying something new and being adventurous ended with an unpleasant experience.
You might have bravely stepped up at school to play your first song on the violin and made too many mistakes because you were nervous. Perhaps, your first relationship ended with many months of heartbreak and suffering. Or you left to study and were so overwhelmed that you ended up in a deep depression.
So these parts strive to do their utmost best to prevent you from experiencing something similar again, and who can blame them? They are frozen in time and stuck with uncomfortable emotions such as shame, blame, devaluation, unworthiness, etc.
What can you do? You can start developing a relationship with this part. Until now, it believes it is the only one responsible for ensuring your safety. Once you can get this part to realize that you are serious about understanding its troubles and worries, it will be more comfortable to pass control over to you.
Like ourselves, all we need at times is someone to listen to our concerns and ask good questions so we feel seen and heard and can come up with solutions that align with who we are.
The more time you take to understand what these parts are afraid of and what they are worried might happen when you start again, the easier it will be to learn what they desire for you.
That's when you create space for your inner knowing, this wise self that taps into resources only available when you are separate from the scared part.
And you will be surprised what kind of resources you have within yourself.
So for me, fear is a gift that points towards undiscovered and forgotten inner resources.
If you would like to find out more about how to transform your fears into strengths, contact me.