How To Be A Better Listener: Embodied Listening
Lately, I had a few short, yet, very enriching conversations. I leave these, knowing that there had been something set into motion that went beyond a normal conversation. Of course, it’s always more comfortable with people I resonate with and, even then, I don’t feel the same way all the time.
“BEING” IN CONVERSATION
I believe what makes the difference is the state I am in when I am present in a conversation.
This skill is taught and practised in our regular Empathic Listening Circles that serve as support groups and personal development workshops.
It’s less about ‘doing’ conversation and more about ‘being’ in conversation with someone. What does that entail? For me, it’s a way of being present in the act of listening. Taking in the non-verbal signs is part of it, yet it’s more. It’s as if I let go of myself as who I think I am and allow myself to be shaped like wet sand or clay.
It is an invitation to sense for feelings, sensations, resonance, openness, receptivity; anything that emerges in the space between the other person and myself. I sense into this space with my body. I listen with my body, not only with my ears.
Some would say it is like meditation, however, a more accurate term would be Focusing. I discuss the difference between meditation and Focusing in one of my YouTube Q&As.
EMBODIED LISTENING
No, it’s not synesthesia, where one can taste sound, hear colours or see scents. To get the most out of a conversation, I practice embodied listening. The environment loses importance; I drop into my body and open the gates of my senses to perceive whatever wants to be known in this exchange.
In this field between the two of us, I listen in on many different levels, and the conversation becomes so much more vibrant. I pick up the meaning of unspoken words, the notes of a song unsung, and the colours of a painting yet to be painted. Not only that. When I listen to the content, my body goes in resonance with what is said.
I receive feedback from ‘a tool’ that is so much more capable of capturing nuances, vibrations and meaning than would be possible with my ears and my mind alone. My body lets me feel whether what the client expresses verbally is aligned with what she feels because of how I feel within my body.
It’s often not more than a split second of an impression or a nudge, enough though, to ask another question to either clarify what I sensed or highlight the insights of the client. With time, the signals become clearer and yet, it is essential to be aware of my interferences and how these can muddle up my listening and sensing.
I treasure conversations in which I can experience the richness of two human beings sharing a depth of connectedness. Time feels well spent and another thread added to the rich tapestry of relationships.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Embodied Listening - Coming home to our inner voice
“The moment you become friends with your inner self, you realize that the failures or hindrances that you met earlier were caused more by your disconnected status with your inner being.”
Whenever we feel like we want to be alone, it’s our body saying slow down and take a step back. When the noise around us gets too overwhelming, we try to turn down the volume and retreat to peaceful solitude. This is embodied listening — pursuing the stillness within us and searching for our inner voice.
Seeking Refuge in Our Inner Sanctuary
The outer and inner worlds of ourselves are directly related. When the outer-world becomes too chaotic, the inner world becomes overloaded also. As a result, it becomes more challenging to filter out the noise and hear our inner voice. At the same time, it’s harder to pinpoint our thoughts and feelings.
The circumstances we face are unpredictable and unavoidable. Every time these circumstances get the better of us, the trade-off is we lose the connection to our inner sanctuary.
The beauty of embodied listening lies in how it helps us strengthen and restore the connection to our inner sanctum. It’s not just about assessing what we’re thinking and feeling. We also have to observe the physical manifestations of our thoughts and emotions.
What are the signals when we feel disappointed? How do our bodies feel when we hear ideas or opinions we don’t agree with? What triggers us to feel or think a certain way while conversing with another person?
Listening to our inner selves is listening to ourselves as a whole. To be able to listen to other people, we must first learn to be in touch with ourselves.
How Embodied Listening Helps Create Great Conversations
Embodied listening is also described as deep listening or mindful listening. This is a type of listening where we are fully present in a conversation. We listen attentively to the words spoken as well as listen to the physical cues of the speaker.
We give the speaker space and time to say everything he wants without interrupting and jumping in. There are neither judgements nor assumptions when we listen because we support the speaker getting the full experience of sharing his story. We practice patience and selflessness; we do not give a piece of advice or opinion when not asked.
Being fully present means living in the moment with full awareness of the person we’re talking to, what the person is saying, the environment or setting, and our inner voice. Because for us to be able to listen to someone else mindfully, we have to be aware and sensitive to the speaker’s outward manifestations, too, like his posture, voice, breathing, and facial expressions.
Along with that, we also listen to our inner voice to be aware of what we’re feeling and thinking and to resist impulses that can ruin a possibly great conversation. We consciously and willingly go through this process to show respect to the person we’re talking to and thus, improve the chances of making lasting connections.
How to Practise Embodied Listening
Setting aside time to be in tune with our inner selves is an excellent way to practice embodied listening. Stimulate self-awareness by paying attention to what our body is feeling given certain circumstances.
For instance, are there particular situations where we feel more positive? Are there people we talk to that make us feel uncomfortable? Are there places we go to that reek of negativity? What activities make us feel more connected with ourselves and life? Which activities make us feel tense and more disconnected?
Once we have the answers to these, making more changes will be easier to do, such as fueling our bodies with the right energy and making lifestyle changes that benefit our physical bodies. The better we feel about ourselves (mind, body, and spirit), the more we can connect with others and the better communicators we become.
Embodied listening allows us to access our inner wisdom, so we can nurture and care for ourselves the best way we know. In the process, we learn to use our listening skills as a powerful tool to converse with other people with compassion, empathy, and mindfulness. It helps us to open up to others with a genuine interest that comes from within.
To be an effective communicator, go beyond just listening and practise mindfulness and awareness of ourselves and others.
When we listen from within, we are not separate anymore but connected.
Sources:
The Art of Embodied Listening – About Meditation
Embodied Listening for a More Intimate Relationship
Embodied Listening – Shambhala Mountain Center