Change is Inevitable: Will you shape it or be shaped?
Our life begins with change - transitioning from the safety of the womb out into the world. Ever since then, change has been a constant, inevitable companion. We've changed from babies to toddlers to teens and become adults. The experiences along the way shaped us into who we are right now.
Sometimes, we consider change as welcomed, required to bring in fresh air, and we embrace it with open arms and focus on the opportunities and the improvements. At other times, we perceive it as a dreadful companion of life, threatening our need for safety, consistency, and comfort.
Like with everything else, our attitude makes all the difference.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
Change requires us to adapt, question what we have learned, embrace new perspectives, and tolerate growing pains and uncertainty. Unsurprisingly, many prefer to stay in their comfort zone, at the risk of rejecting the richness that can come with a new relationship, a new role or job, or a move. Some would rather accept continuing toxic circumstances in relationships or work than considering a change. We all have been there in some way or another.
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What is necessary to navigate change successfully?
BREAKING THE COCOON OF FAMILIARITY
There is no compelling reason to leave our comfort zone when our “why” isn't convincing. The known feels safe, even if it no longer nourishes us. Why venture into the unknown when the status quo, though imperfect, is comfortable? But a life without change stagnates. To avoid stagnation, we must be willing to shed old skin and fly on new wings.
What aspects of your life are feeling stale right now?
What might be a first step to create change?
If you remain on the current path, what opportunities will you miss?
Uncertainty can feel paralyzing. Yet, if you remain on your current path, what opportunities will you miss? How will your integrity and well-being be compromised if you continue to ignore your inner impulses and yearning for change?
Sometimes we do not want to prompt any changes because of past experience or our beliefs about how this next time will turn out. Exploring unchartered territory does require a beginner’s mind. This means entering into experiences with openness and curiosity, leaving aside preconceived ideas. Oftentimes, it is the ups and downs, detours, and missteps that teach us invaluable lessons. We also have to call up our courage and resilience, along with the beginner’s mind, so that we can dwell in our trust that we can find our North Star.
CHARTING THE COURSE
Like sailing uncharted waters, moving through significant change requires a clear vision of the desired outcome. To avoid getting lost at sea, remember the destination. Even when it seems that change has been forced upon us, with a clear vision, we can steer our boat back toward what we want our life to be.
When have you stepped into the unknown in the past and discovered something magnificent on the other side of change?
What did you learn about yourself from this experience of taking a leap?
CHANGE, YES - BUT HOW?
Doing the same thing and expecting different results is, as we know, rarely successful. So the question is more HOW to do something differently. Most people are willing to try something else, and it's just that they don't know what else to do. Sometimes, all it takes is a change of perspective. At other times, we require the expertise of others and the space to hear our inner voice and hidden longings. For this, though, it's essential to slow down, pause, turn inward, and trust what emerges.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
FINDING YOUR COMPANIONS
An irresistible “why”, a strong vision, courage, hope, and positivity are some of the building blocks for sustainable change. Yet, even with the best preparation, we may have to surrender to the storms of life. Then, it's great to have supportive companions on the journey. This may be loved ones, honest friends, coaches or mentors who share their experiences. These kindred spirits remind us of our intentions and strengths and encourage us to continue.
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KNOWING THYSELF
Our response to change reveals much about our inner landscape. Early experiences shape our beliefs about whether change spells opportunity or danger. Some relish change as a chance to grow, while others equate it with risk and instability.
The need for safety, reliability, continuity, inclusion, and predictability is developed differently in each of us. However, when dissatisfaction with our situation creeps in, when we feel stifled, even unfulfilled, the following question can be a great starting point to explore our readiness to embrace something new.
What will it cost you if you remain in the current situation for much longer?
Your physical health may take a toll, or your mental and emotional well-being can be impacted if you keep holding onto what's no longer serving you.
Are you willing to accept these costs?
Perhaps your pain threshold hasn't been reached yet; maybe you can't envision a different life yet. When we accept the need for a transition, spending time with ourselves is advisable.
Do some parts of your Self embrace change as a catalyst for living more fully? Do other parts recoil at the idea of leaving certainty behind? Both perspectives deserve recognition and compassion. By understanding all facets of yourself, you can integrate them into your path forward.
We benefit from exploring various aspects related to the challenges that can come with change: Fear of failure, accepting possibly wrong decisions, and starting all over again.
In a Focusing process, I invite a client to become aware of the thoughts, feelings, and possible memories of past changes. They will feel a certain way about the whole thing around change. Acknowledging that some part within feels angry, fearful, hesitant or weary is a helpful first step to building rapport. It creates fertile ground for further insight into the concerns, fears, and longings of that anxious or hesitant part.
Generally, we discover that these parts want to see us safe and well. They are the key to finding new resources and old, often forgotten qualities.
Transitions aren't always easy; however, how we face them is vital as change is woven into life's fabric. Transitions encourage us to get to know ourselves better, grow, gain clarity on what we like and dislike, and be more understanding with other people.
MY INVITATION FOR REFLECTION
If you are considering change, pause and reflect on how you have adapted to and navigated change in the past.
What did you discover about yourself?
What do you notice inside about your readiness for change? How might you have compassion for both hesitancies and excitement?
What is a lesson, strength or gift that has emerged for you during significant life transitions? How might remembering those resources help you navigate change now?
Who could serve as your cheerleader or accountability partner during a time of change?