Do this to Improve Your Relationhips

Relationships are essential to all of us. Ideally, relationships with others meet our fundamental needs for connection, belonging, growth and support. 

Very often, though, relationships are a source of discomfort, unhappiness, stress and pain. 

Human beings are complex. We don't start this life as a blank sheet of paper. Instead, we bring a rich tapestry of karmic lessons, soul agreements, unresolved trauma or conflict from past generations and past lives. Also, we come in with a life plan to explore our capacity for learning and growth.  

Relationships, therefore, are complex, as are the humans who come together. And so it's worth considering the many influences we consciously and unconsciously bring into a relationship. 

BREAKING THE CYCLE - GENERATIONAL, ANCESTRAL AND PAST LIFE ASPECTS

More and more research is being done in the field of epigenetics to examine how traumatic experiences of one generation can lead to physical, mental and emotional sensitivities in generations to come.

In addition, the imprint of trauma and ecological and economic disasters experienced by past generations can impact the behaviour and well-being of the second and third generations.

Take war, genocide, or displacement, for example. It's easy to imagine that the descendants of those who experienced such hardship and trauma have a higher chance of experiencing fear of losing everything, being abandoned, or needing to be vigilant, even though they never experienced these situations. 

Make it stand out

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

The lack of courage in a past life may have prevented us from speaking up, following our hearts, and saying no. Therefore, we create ample opportunities in our relationships to find the courage to overcome our fears around rejection and loneliness in this life. 

Many past life regression sessions with clients show unresolved conflict in past lives led to strained relationships, deeply ingrained patterns and fears in this lifetime. Conversely, my clients' relationships and life often improved dramatically by revisiting the past life, gaining a deeper understanding of the unresolved conflict and learning the lesson involved. 

BRINGING LIGHT TO THE SHADOWS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Unconscious beliefs form in childhood. As children, we are like sponges, absorbing everything around us without question. We take in information from our parents, caregivers, and environment to form our understanding of ourselves, others, the world, and what is possible for us. 

Many factors, therefore, shape our perceptions. These include our past experiences, beliefs, values, emotions, and expectations from others, to name a few. These factors can form biases in how we see ourselves and others and influence how we create, live and nurture relationships.

The Power of the Shadow

The shadow self is the unconscious part of our personality that contains repressed emotions, desires, and fears that we don't want to acknowledge or accept. However, it colours our thinking, choices, and how we express ourselves and influences our relationships without noticing. These shadows can include traits or behaviours we feel ashamed of or believe are unacceptable in society.

The lack of courage in a past life may have prevented us from speaking up, following our hearts, and saying no. Therefore, we create ample opportunities in our relationships to find the courage to overcome our fears around rejection and loneliness in this life. 

Many past life regression sessions with clients show unresolved conflict in past lives led to strained relationships, deeply ingrained patterns and fears in this lifetime. Conversely, my clients' relationships and life often improved dramatically by revisiting the past life, gaining a deeper understanding of the unresolved conflict and learning the lesson involved. 

Our shadows can have a significant impact on our relationships. When we deny or repress these aspects of ourselves, we may project them onto others, meaning we see those traits or behaviours in others even though they are not present. Doing so can create tension, conflict, and misunderstandings in our relationships, as our projections may not accurately reflect the other person's intentions or behaviour. Let's look at the example below:

Lucy had multiple experiences of being betrayed in past relationships. Her partner Peter is working hard on himself to express his needs more firmly after realizing that he needs much more time alone to deal with the increased demands at work. Lucy, however, perceives Peter's new-found courage to ask for more space as a sign that something fishy is going on. She quickly concludes that Peter is most likely spending time with someone else. Her partners' growth inadvertently triggers Lucy's fear of being cheated again, hurt and abandoned. 

Shadows can also surface in the partners we attract who reinforce our negative beliefs or patterns. Not having learned to say no or establishing healthy boundaries, in general, can easily lead to a relationship where a partner is verbally, emotionally or physically abused. 

If you struggle in relationships, feel unheard and unseen, or feel mistreated, I invite you to consider the other person as a mirror who clearly shows you what shadow aspects you may have. 

HOW DO WE CREATE MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS?

Practising self-awareness, inquiry, and introspection on how we show up in life and relationships are vital to creating healthy, meaningful, and lasting relationships. 

Develop Self-Awareness

One of the primary benefits of self-awareness is that it allows us to understand our emotions and behaviour better. 

This involves becoming aware of the aspects of ourselves that we keep hidden or repressed and learning to accept and embrace them. 

Developing self-awareness helps us reflect on our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and patterns. We may also see the biases we bring into a relationship and how we harbour expectations of others. Doing so can develop greater self-awareness, self-acceptance, and empathy towards ourselves and others. As a result, we become more objective and balanced in how we see others and ourselves, which leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

For example, suppose you know you're prone to getting defensive when someone criticizes your work. In that case, you can prepare yourself for such situations by reminding yourself that criticism is an opportunity for growth. This way, you'll be less likely to react defensively and more open to feedback.

Make time for inquiry

Question. Explore. Expand.

Inquiry helps us challenge ingrained assumptions. By examining the truth of our beliefs, we are invited to think more deeply about ourselves and our relationships and expand our perspective. In addition, inquiry is a great way to develop greater empathy and understanding for others, as it deepens connection and emotional closeness.

By asking questions and actively listening to their responses, we can gain insight into what matters most to our partners, friends, and colleagues. We learn how to support them in meeting their needs or reaching their goals.

Inquiry can also help resolve conflicts in relationships. We can find common ground and work towards mutually beneficial solutions by asking open-ended questions and seeking to understand the other person's perspective. By asking questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we can deepen relationships by fostering vulnerability and openness.

Explore Imprinted Past Memories 

When our inner child experiences trauma or negative experiences, the parts we deem unacceptable or shameful often become repressed and alienated. Yet, they continue to influence our feelings, thoughts and behaviour. 

With Regression Therapy and Inner Relationships Focusing, we can work through these memories in a safe environment to build caring relationships with those deeply-buried parts of ourselves. These also hold immense wisdom. 

Remember The Body

Trauma can get locked in the body in many ways, leading to changes in body posture, unexplainable pains, numbness, or detachment. Another way the body responds to trauma is by keeping the nervous system stuck in a state of hyperarousal. Some signs can be increased heart rate, muscle tension and rapid breathing.

Therefore it is essential to include the body in the healing process. Bringing the body out of the fight, flight or freeze response helps to access the body's innate wisdom. This can lead us organically to the next step the body requires towards greater balance and ease. Great approaches include Focusing, Jin Shin Jyutsu, yoga, and other release work such as Somatic Experiencing, EFT, and Regression Therapy. 

Start With Yourself

For you to see a change in your relationships and life in general, the journey always begins with yourself. What you experience in life is a reflection of your inner world, your ingrained beliefs and deep-seated fears that you hold on to.

What needs to change?

When you are unsatisfied with your relationships, take some time and ask yourself essential questions to clarify the aspects that require change.

Create your personal Relationship Wheel, similar to the Wheel of Life, for a first assessment to better understand possible areas for intervention. 

Of course, the most important aspects of a relationship will vary from person to person, and what matters most to one individual may not be as significant to another.

However, here are common elements that many people consider to be important in a relationship:

Communication, trust, respect, shared values, emotional support, intimacy, compromise, individuality, quality time, growth, love, appreciation, compatibility, and commitment.

You may use these aspects to fill in the segments of your relationship wheel and then rate these aspects on a scale from 1 – 10 as to how satisfied you are. 

Questions to ask yourself

Based on the results, start reflecting on the following questions:

• What do I really want to see in my relationships?

• Which aspect, if changed, will bring the most significant improvement in my relationship/s?

• What are my greatest concerns in making that change?

• Which of my values aren't expressed in my relationship/s?

• What needs of mine won't be met if I change this aspect?

• What needs won't be met if I don't change this aspect?

• How can I meet these needs?

• What is in the way of making the necessary changes?

• What would be a small step in the direction of change?

• What support do I need to make that change happen?

• What else is important right now?

Sitting and reflecting on what is important for you in your relationships is key to personal happiness and well-being. Remember to nurture your relationship with yourself since it is the foundation for any other relationship in life. 

How would you like to start getting to know yourself better?