Breaking Negative Patterns: Take a Fresh Look
When was the last time you looked attentively into the face of a loved one as if you had never seen that face before?
Noting the form of the eyelashes, and the shape of the nose, taking time to observe the colour of the iris, and the fine lines around the mouth.
You will probably realize it's been a while since you made it a point to look at someone familiar with fresh eyes.
We generally get into the habit of not paying attention to what's been there for a long time, what we have gotten used to. Instead, we rehash our old, worn-out story of who we are and who others are, and if we are honest with ourselves, it often suits our needs to stick to these stories.
Our mind tends to run in the same grooves and direction. We create connections based on past experiences, trying to make sense of our behaviours, fears, likes and dislikes. This is the past that we remember, the stories our parents have told us, and the assumptions and perspectives of friends, co-workers and other influential people in our life.
The trouble with this is that we miss out on gaining new insights about our subconscious needs and values. Moreover, it's hard to detect the underlying concerns that drive our thoughts and behaviours when we stick to what we know.
“You can have lots of feelings and have the same feelings over and over again. It isn’t the recognizable feelings that make so much difference.
It is sensing the edge, the unclear, what you don’t recognize, but it is there, the bodily discomfort that the problem makes, which has meaning;
It has its own peculiar quality, implicity, it is complex, it has in it everything that relates to that problem, but not in a way you can say.”
When we finally pause and turn inwards with curiosity and without judgment, we get to explore our emotional inner landscape more in-depth.
We discover that what we thought was true is only the top layer of a much more complex inner world of parts that got stuck in unhelpful behaviours and patterns. These parts' worries, concerns, opinions, and fears inform and drive how we live our lives until we become curious to seek out the unclear edge beneath.
For example, if we feel anxious about a particular situation, we might notice a knot in our stomach or a tightness in the chest. By being present, paying attention to bodily sensations, and exploring them further, we can identify underlying concerns and emotions that drive our anxiety.
Only then do we realize that these concerns have many layers hidden underneath the already-familiar feelings and explanations.
When we slow down, pause, and turn inward, we can sit without judgment and without any need to change anything and sense the depth of who we are. Sensing into something familiar with freshness opens the door for something new to emerge.
What would it take to be curious? To be open?
What would you need to be able to see yourself with a sense of newness?
What may you find looking at your life with fresh eyes?