Gratitude - Your superpower
Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedict monk, says it so pointedly, "It's not happiness that makes us grateful. It's gratefulness that makes us happy".
This idea is profoundly powerful. So many of us striving to be happy are actually missing this point. Instead of being grateful every day, we may remember at holidays like Thanksgiving. Most people do not actually understand the power of gratitude and are filled with a sense of expectation and even entitlement.
Taking Things for Granted
Taking things for granted means we just expect things to work, as usual. Even if it means we don’t do our part to keep ourselves healthy. Then something happens, jolting into our awareness that normal is not so ordinary after all.
How many of us take our bodies for granted? We mostly pay attention when something hurts or when we injure ourselves. Maybe we cut our finger preparing dinner and then struggling with washing the dishes, taking a showering, or texting our friends. These mundane tasks now seem so challenging while the cut heals.
What about relationships? How do we foster them? Do we reach out to our friends? We assume that our friendship is ensured. Yet, how much regret do we feel when we don’t stay in touch and find out that they have passed away?
The Choice of Perspective
In general, we tend to focus on what we don't have. This scarcity mindset leads us to comparison. We see ourselves in contrast with others. What they have and we do not. Once trapped in that groove, it's hard to remain grateful since there will always be someone else who earns more money, has a bigger car, or travels to more exciting destinations.
On the other hand, we can deliberately choose to remind ourselves how fortunate we are and where we are heading by paying attention to the quality of our thoughts and words. Taking the time to regularly name what we are thankful for helps us count our blessings and shift a negative outlook on life to a more realistic and balanced one. Over time, our minds create new connections to form a different outlook.
“Where you place your attention is where you place your energy. Once you fix your attention, awareness, or mind on possibility, you also put your energy there. As a result, you affect matter with your attention or observation.”
Photo by Jason Goodman on Unsplash
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Of course, it's easier to be grateful for the positive experiences in life. The challenge and actual practice lie in being thankful for the undesired, unpleasant, and unwanted "gifts" in life. No one is keen on being involved in an accident, losing a job, or dealing with a severe illness. Yet, these situations are reminders to take nothing for granted and to look at life as a whole, not just through the lens of disasters and worst-case scenarios. In these times of crisis, being able to draw on a grateful attitude towards life can be the anchor, the lighthouse in the rough sea.
Cultivating a perspective of gratitude towards anything that life will give us allows for a less reactive and more responsive approach. As a result, we develop more resilience, optimism, and hope to overcome our challenges.
Remembering how many hard times we have already mastered and reminding ourselves of the qualities and resources we used to overcome those hardships fosters gratitude for how far we have come. In turn, this often gives us hope to see the silver line on the horizon.
I want to acknowledge that some situations are tough and have the potential to break us. However, gratitude doesn't mean we view life through pink glasses or get lost in toxic positivity. Instead, it is about grateful living. This happens when we choose to explore opportunities of growth in upsetting situations. Or when we seek the meaning in the challenge and find a way to turn the loss into a gain.
The Benefits of Grateful Living
As a HeartMath Coach, I regularly practice the tools I teach. I appreciate the feeling of gratitude as a regenerative and uplifting feeling to bring the HRV (heart rate variability) back into coherence. Although I may struggle at times in my practice to connect with other renewing emotions such as love, awe, joy - gratitude works like a charm for me.
Being in coherence helps calm down the nervous system, reduces stress, increases well-being, supports better sleep, and gives us access to intuition and out-of-the-box solutions.
A large number of studies show that practicing gratitude regularly improves mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It also increases our ability to be more patient, compassionate, and empathic when interacting with others. In addition, expressing gratitude in our relationships, whether within the family, in romantic relationships, or at work, supports deeper, trusting, and more meaningful connections. We all want to be seen and appreciated for who we are and what we do. Being on the receiving end of gratitude does precisely that.
Expressing gratitude to others acknowledges that we wouldn't be where we are without others.
My invitation
I invite you to explore the deep power of gratitude. Instead of spending all your energy on what's not working and what you don't have, let’s spend some of your energy on appreciating what is working and what you have?
What would it take to remind yourself of your blessings every day or how far you have come?
How can you express gratitude regularly to those who helped you get where you are?
What would you like to say to express gratitude to yourself?
If you are still striving for happiness and feeling frustrated, a practice of gratitude may be the thing to shift this mindset for you.