What Drives You to Procrastinate?
From the back of my mind, a voice was constantly reminding me of that deadline for my June article. It was mildly annoying to listen to this persistent voice. I managed to push it aside, again and again, focusing instead on various other tasks that suddenly became so much more important: Preparing for my trip to Germany, the to-do list for our launch of TheraSmart, a TimeWaver analysis for a client, decluttering that one cabinet in my pantry … the list was creatively expandable on demand. Of course, in the end, apart from the topic and some bullet points nothing got on paper, and now it’s July. Sound familiar?
There are countless articles on the internet about procrastination. It seems that there is not one solution that works for everyone. Trained to get to the core of limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns, I am curious what is there for me. So I sit down to spend time with that part of me that prefers to avoid getting this article done.
I get still, remaining open, curious and compassionate while sensing for that part that shies away from sharing my thoughts. I sit with this hesitation. I wait. It is more than hesitation; it is actually resistance. Resistance, does that feel right? And where is this resistance coming from? Locating that part in my body, I allow myself to become more familiar with it by taking in its emotional quality, its felt sense … and then I offer an invitation to sit together to share what is going on from its point of view.
The longer I stay with this part, the more apparent fear lies beneath. There are many reasons why a part of us could be afraid of starting a project or getting it done. Fear of failure, fear of being labelled as incompetent, fear of being judged. It takes courage to acknowledge that one is afraid.
We often underestimate the power of our mind that, once latched onto an emotion, increases its intensity by creating exaggerated scenarios about what could happen if we took action. Once we know what drives our need for procrastination, we have options. We can question, for example, whether what we fear is likely to happen. It is unlikely that just because I post a blog article suddenly the whole world will pay attention and tear it to pieces. So, dear part of mine, relax.
Oh, but wait, could there maybe be something else? Fear of success? Why would anyone fear success?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ”
Envisioning and creating the life we desire and the success that follows suit will reveal our subconscious beliefs about :
success -“Success makes people arrogant”
change - “Who will I become?”
relationships - “Once successful, people are attracted to you only for your power” or “Can I deal with rejection, jealousy, and hate?”
responsibilities - “Am I capable of dealing with the responsibilities?” or “Will I still have time for the things I enjoy right now?”.
To be seen and heard can be an excellent opportunity to raise awareness, initiate change and empower ourselves. Yet, there are also secondary benefits to remaining hidden, staying small and leaving one’s inner resources and power untapped.
Now, this is an excellent opportunity to work with the Four Cartesian Questions, commonly used in NLP. With a twist. These four questions are an invitation to go beyond the obvious to learn more about one’s blocks, goals and the reasons for self-sabotage. Instead of focusing only on the mental aspect of these questions, I use these questions as a starting point for a Focusing-based self-inquiry.
If you are curious what might come up for you, set some time aside, find a quiet place to sit with yourself, take a pen and paper and start working through these questions.
To illustrate the process, I am taking the completion of my article as an example.
Question No 1 – What would happen if you do?
What would happen if I complete my article? Holding this question, I sense into my body – I feel joy, satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment and a lightness in my chest and shoulders. In my heart, there is gratitude for all that I learned and experienced to share.
How about you? What comes up for you? What else is there?
Question No 2 – What would happen if you don’t?
What would happen if I don’t finish writing my article? My Inner Critic would have a go at me, calling me lazy, incapable of writing a simple article or keeping a deadline. Because of my work in this area, the Inner Critic is no longer so “mean” anymore as in the past, though she still makes me feel uncomfortable. I can sense tension in my shoulders. My posture slumps, a part in me feels tired and I get a sense that it is overwhelmed by the number of items on my to-do-list.
Question No 3 – What wouldn’t happen if you do?
What wouldn’t happen if I did finish my article? Apart from a silent inner critic, I wouldn’t think of how to fit that article now in next, since it is already July. I probably wouldn’t have chosen procrastination as the topic for this month. The topic would be out of my mind and I wouldn’t spend energy on it.
Note to self – there is some need to practice letting go.
Question 4 – What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?
Wait a moment. What? Yes, take your time on this question. This is a bit of a mind twister. Rather than letting your mind wrap itself around the question and start firing up, I suggest you sit quietly and let that question find a way inside of you? What do you notice in your body? What else?
What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t finish my article? I notice a feeling of calmness. A sense of detachment. I realize that I don’t listen to my inner critic so much anymore. I have developed more resilience towards that harsh voice. I sense curiosity in my body - I wouldn’t have pondered on the fear of success and the various beliefs around success.
What came up for you as you allowed that question to impress you also on a physical level?
The fear of success is apparently something that is pretty common, yet not many people are aware of it, as it often is well hidden in the subconscious. Success means a lot of things to different people; likewise, there will be many different answers to why we could possibly fear something that we invest so much time and energy to achieve.
What can you do?
Observe yourself when deadlines are approaching, or a project nears completion. Listen within and notice the quality and content of your thoughts around the accomplishment. Take notes. Taking some time off to explore core beliefs around success and failure is a good starting point to gain clarity on why a part of you blocks your advancement.
Byron Katie’s four simple questions can also be used here to dismantle your beliefs.
Journal about some of the following questions to dive even deeper into the topic:
What action do you not take so you can remain where you are?
What do you risk losing by being successful?
What do you not want to change at all in your life? How would that be impacted by being successful?
What is the worst thing that could happen being successful?
What would be the best outcome ever? How does that feel?
What do you truly want in life? And what is in the way?
Find someone who helps you to go back to the root cause of these beliefs and is then able to help you find understanding and inner resources to overcome them. This could be regression therapy, hypnotherapy, inner child work or Theta Healing, to mention a few.
Consider success as an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself too. Generally, we believe that we learn most from our mistakes, difficulties and challenges. Success is something that most of us work hard for and once we experience it, it is great to get to know aspects of yourself that reveal themselves in that success.
Most important – who do you want to be when you are successful? Doesn’t that feel uplifting and enriching?
“In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.”
Now here is the final question – What does success actually mean to you?
Stay tuned for part 2…