What Is your definition of Success?
Earning more, much more, money. Achieving status and being someone important, someone famous. Fulfilling a plethora of material desires. This is the clichéd meaning of success.
Is this what success really means?
Adopting your family’s or the mainstream definition of success often leads to disappointment and self-doubt. This broad stroke hardly ever takes into account your abilities, resources and vision, which can be very different from those around you. Most of us have bought into the standard definition of success, which is fueled by the concept of better and higher more and more.
Is this definition of success aligned with our goals, our definition of a fulfilled life?
What's the danger of living by this definition?
We fall into the trap of comparing our achievements with others’. This goes awry when we set standards for ourselves that aren’t in alignment with our skills, qualities, values, life goal and mission. Far too many people also define their sense of worth based on these comparisons.
What then defines success? What is failure? Such assessments are an internal and very personal inquiry using a range of parameters. A project might have failed from a financial perspective; yet, the learning acquired can touch on and enrich many different aspects of our life.
Different types of success
Before we label ourselves a failure it’s worth exploring different types of success in life. The financial aspect, a common metric, is only one of many aspects of personal achievement. By acknowledging growth and success in multiple areas of life, we can build an even stronger foundation for appreciation and self-worth.
Besides our material success, it’s worthwhile to look at emotional success. How capable are we at developing resilience to successfully deal with life’s curve balls? Are we able to create and nurture meaningful relationships or foster the quality of our thoughts?
“Even the most seemingly unpleasant situations - if you become aligned with it, something good will emerge from that. ”
Let’s take a moment to assess physical health. Perhaps we have been able to eliminate some unhealthy favorites from our diet or managed to maintain an exercise routine even through rough times. Physical success can relate to our fitness, our level of energy and vitality, and recovering well from a successful surgery. It is also how we feel about ourselves, our body in general and whether we can tend to our physical needs.
Academic success is about honoring the desire to expand our views about the world, to learn about different cultures and to satisfy our innate curiosity about life. Lifelong learning is of great value and ensures continuous intellectual growth that can translate into the mastery of skills and the discovery of new ones. Through our curiosity about other people’s successes and failures, as case studies if you will, we can foster a broader understanding of other people as well as deepening the human connection.
“Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.”
Other areas that could be worth celebrating success in include the art of time management and becoming more socially and environmentally engaged. This may be spending quality time with family and friends, establishing a better work-life balance, volunteering time, becoming a more conscious consumer, or adopting zero-waste habits.
Success is what you make it
How do we measure success? How do we define success for ourselves?
Our different life circumstances, upbringing, values, personal perspective of life and personality traits create a unique mix of success definitions. Some people will succeed in the same situation that others struggle to get through.
For some people, professional success is the climax of their life and yet, they remain unhappy because other important aspects of personal success remain unfulfilled. Then there are those who are capable of ticking the boxes of pretty much all components of personal and professional success.
While we hear many rags to riches and rising from ashes stories, many more success stories won’t make it as headline news. Even so, they are powerfully inspiring and impactful for the person and the people around them.
Here are some examples:
The kid who finally mustered the courage to say NO to a bully after having been humiliated for months.
The caretaker who makes the life of a senior easier by taking care of his needs with compassion, love and respect for that person’s life journey.
The housewife who raised thousands of dollars for a fundraiser to help rebuild a school destroyed by a flood.
The mother who overcame her high expectations and is now able to accept her child for who he is.
So, what are the criteria for success? Based on the fact that success means different things to different people, there aren’t any parameters that define who is successful and who is not.
It may be safe to say that overall success means to be content with life, be satisfied with one’s own life circumstances, remain true to ourselves when pursuing our goals, see the beauty in the small things and help others achieve their goals.
You decide!
The other day I was sitting with a client who asked me, “can you find out whether I am on the right path?” I curiously asked her, “the right path to where?” She couldn’t give me an answer. This reminded me of a friend who had asked me where I saw myself in three and five years in the future.
I had vague ideas, grand ambitions, but no clear vision. Without a destination, I had no idea about the necessary steps to get there.
It’s similar to planning a trip. How can we book a trip to Europe not knowing how much time to spend there, what cities to visit and what the budget is? At times, letting go of structure, the need to know and control and instead allowing life to unfold is great. Yet, when it comes to creating a successful experience, having clear answers to some questions can be useful.
What is the problem that we are here to help solving?
Answering this question will provide us with the foundation of our calling, our mission or goal. It defines what we stand for and what we want to invest our energy in. Being able to precisely identify the purpose helps us to navigate the direction.
What is the motivation, the driving force behind the goal?
At times, things just don’t turn out as anticipated and setbacks can give rise to doubts.
Knowing the WHY will help to keep one’s eyes on the goal and stay on track.
What fears are in the way to succeed?
Often a whole bunch of hindering beliefs in our subconscious influence our thoughts and actions. From a very young age, we learn what is required to ensure our needs are taken care of. The strategies and beliefs about ourselves and others formed as a result become part of our belief system and understanding of the world. They worked in the past and so they probably feel like an ironclad truth- that the world has to be a certain way. We don’t examine at a later age whether these beliefs are still valid nor do we question whether they help us move forward. The moment we understand that there are parts within us that only want to protect us from perceived hurt or danger experienced in childhood, we can open the door to question these beliefs. We can find their root cause and transform them into a powerful ally.
What other beliefs do we hold on to?
Most of us have come across one or the other: “I am not good enough”, “Successful people have no real friends”, “I will never succeed”, “It’s too complicated”, and “I can’t do it”.
As with the fears I spoke about above, it is important to inquire as to where these convictions come from and then transform them into something more empowering.
What are the next steps towards the goal?
It is evident that a set of steps needs to be implemented to reach the final goal. It’s not enough to have a three- or five-year vision. We need to break down the journey into monthly, weekly and daily tasks and goals.
Not only does this allow us to quickly respond to unforeseen events; it will also minimize overwhelm and confusion.
Continuing to take action despite setbacks and self-doubt and being determined to make our vision reality also invites us to revisit whether the vision still resonates with our heart’s desires and aligned with our values.
What I learned last year was to observe how my tendency to be all-inclusive and a perfectionist stalls action. Applying the famous 80/20 rule where 20% action leads to 80% results helped me to determine the essential items on my to-do list.
I realized that my need to know everything before I step out into the world and the need to ensure that all eventualities are covered before I proceed is a part of me that wants to keep my younger self safe. I appreciate that the need for safety is honorable. However, understanding that it is no longer required today, I can take action without eliminating all risks.
Whether we enjoy top-tier success at work or we have accumulated vaults of currency, we are not defined by that at all. I believe, at the end of our life, we will call it a successful one if our relationships have been nurtured with love and compassion, we were able to help others to grow, we pursued our own dreams and visions and we have been on track to fulfill our potential and own sense of destiny.
I wish you courage to walk your path, determination to dream your life into being and grace to bring it to fruition.